Party of One

Feeling that frustration about my relationships...like they only want me for the good stuff. I make them feel great, enrich them, then they can leave with me still waiting for the return. I'm not doing it anymore.

Why am I the one everybody wants to cheat with?

Not needy, self sufficient, maybe?

I am letting you go for real. I can't play the games anymore because it's taking too much from me, my life, my creativity.

I am tired of being a pretty fantasy life then being left when the realness gets to be too much. There is nothing wrong with me, even when I'm angry or tell hard truths or smell in my armpits. That is humanity. If you can't handle that, don't get started in the first place.

I am praying for a place to thrive, to be fully me, to be appreciated even in my shitty moments. A place where I can jump and have a soft place to land.

I deserve so much better than this. From this day onward I demand that which I deserve.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

I am so damn frustrated right now. It's just all this uncertainty is really getting me down. I am broke. I want to make changes, but I'm so overwhelmed with all this stuff I want to do. I can't move until I know what's going to happen with the job. I just have to wait until other jobs contact me for interviews. I am trying SO DAMN HARD.

When is something going to break?